Embracing Not Knowing Why – Finding Freedom Beyond the Answers
Hello and welcome back!
Why? It’s often the first thing we ask when life doesn’t go as planned.
It’s an innate response, a fundamental human motivation. We want to understand why something happened, what caused it, or how we might prevent it in the future. Our brains are naturally wired to seek patterns and reasons—it’s part of how we make sense of the world. Often, this search for meaning feels like a way to protect ourselves—if we understand why, maybe we can stop it from happening again. Why did the breakup happen? Why didn’t I get that job? Why did they treat me that way?
Reflection is a crucial part of learning and growth. Taking the time to acknowledge what happened, the role we played, and what we might do differently next time is an important skill to develop. But sometimes, there is no satisfying “why.” Sometimes, the circumstances leading up to an incident happen outside of our awareness, and learning to let go of the need to understand everything can be just as essential for our well-being.
If we cling too tightly to “why,” we risk getting stuck, struggling to move forward because we’re caught looking back. There’s power in knowing when it’s time to stop searching and start releasing.
Here are a few reminders I’ve found helpful when deciding if it’s time to let go of the “why”:
Have I taken compassionate accountability? Once I’ve acknowledged any patterns, beliefs, or actions that contributed to the situation, it’s often time to move forward. Taking responsibility isn’t about self-blame—it’s about self-awareness and growth.
What narratives about myself are coming up? Reflecting on what this situation might be bringing up about my self-worth or identity is important. Am I approaching this with curiosity and compassion, or is my inner critic taking the lead? If I’m stuck in blame or shame, it’s a sign to release the need for why and move toward self-kindness.
What narratives about the situation am I creating? It’s easy to spiral into “what if” thinking—Maybe this is why it happened, or maybe if I’d done this differently…But the truth is, we don’t have all the information. We could spend a lifetime hypothesizing why something happened, and still be wrong. Many factors are beyond our awareness, and often, our “whys” are more about our own projections than objective reality.
Am I stuck in external blame? If I keep pointing fingers at other people or external circumstances, it’s time to gently turn inward. Blame can keep us stuck, while self-exploration allows us to grow. Letting go of “why” isn’t about assigning fault—it’s about finding freedom.
What emotions am I noticing? Feelings like grief, shame, or confusion can make it hard to let go of “why” because they’re difficult to sit with. Offering myself comfort and safety—whether through journaling, a walk, or a mindful breath—can help shift the energy from holding on to “why” to moving forward with grace.
Letting go of “why” doesn’t mean we stop caring or that the situation didn’t matter. It’s about letting ourselves embrace what’s next, even without all the answers.
Remember, growth often comes with uncertainty. It’s okay not to know everything. It’s okay to feel sad, confused, or even angry as you navigate these moments. Those feelings are part of the process, and they don’t make you weak—they make you human.
When we choose to release the need for why, we create space for something new: trust, acceptance, and the possibility of peace.
With heartfelt gratitude,
Christina
