We’re often flooded with messages that paint self-care as indulgence—watching a show, playing a round of golf, treating yourself to a dessert, a vacation, a shopping spree, or even a luxurious bubble bath. And those things can be part of self-care.
But they’re only one layer…
True self-care can be gentle, and it can also be confronting.

We all carry a past—but not all of us are ready to look at it.
I heard someone recently say that their childhood didn’t affect them at all.
But their patterns revealed something else—in the way they kept people at arm’s length, struggled to ask for support, and avoided anything that felt too vulnerable.

They weren’t “stuck in the past”—they were quietly run by it.

Ever find yourself having to be around someone you just don’t click with?
Whether it’s someone who’s hurt you in the past, someone whose values don’t align with yours, or simply someone who gets under your skin for reasons you can’t quite explain—it happens. And sometimes, we don’t have the option to walk away. Sometimes they’re in our shared circle, part of our family, or tied to someone we love.
So, what do we do?

That moment of tightening.
Of pushing away.
Of tensing against what is.
Resistance, in and of itself, isn’t bad. It’s a messenger. One that often shows up as a way to keep us safe.
And that’s where the magic lies.

How do you determine your worth?
Is it based on what others say about you?
What you imagine others might think about you?
How you measure up to the people around you?
If you’re anything like me, it used to be a combination of all three…
It can feel as though we only exist through the eyes of others.

It can be easy to assume, “They were just born that way,” or “It must come with age.”
But the truth is—given all the conditioning we receive as children, and how hard it can be to release those narratives—it’s rarely that simple.
More often than not, the qualities we admire are the result of intentional practice.

We often think that by giving our children what we didn’t receive, we’re teaching them they’re worthy. But when we give everything—especially when we’re running on empty—we can unintentionally teach them that self-abandonment is a requirement for love. We perpetuate giving for love, instead of from love. And in doing so, we lose touch with ourselves…with what we really want…with what nourishes us.

I talk a lot about making space for emotions—feeling them, processing them—but what does that really mean? Often, what we’re actually doing is thinking about our feelings. We analyze them. We judge them. We try to solve them.
But thinking our way through a feeling isn’t the same as feeling it.

What helps you feel safe?
Is it certainty? I used to think so.
I believed that if I could plan for every outcome, prepare for every possibility, I’d never be caught off guard. I thought I’d feel grounded. Steady. Safe.
But, as many of us logically know, life rarely offers that kind of certainty. And trying to find safety through control left me caught in a cycle of anxiety I couldn’t think my way out of.

This is my 100th blog post.
Two years ago, I launched this blog and officially stepped into the world of personal growth coaching.
So… how’s it going?
Well, here’s the honest truth: it’s been beautiful, expansive, frustrating, disappointing, exciting, confronting, discouraging, connecting.
It’s been nothing like I expected—and everything I didn’t know I needed.

I’ve been lucky to have had some truly wonderful teachers throughout my life. But interestingly, some of the most powerful lessons came through unlearning what they taught me. That’s not to say I didn’t receive anything meaningful from them, but it does mean I now get to choose what I want to carry forward—and what I gently set down.

Okay, picture this. Someone you care about is sharing something with you—maybe they feel hurt, sad, or frustrated. As you’re listening, you notice an inaccuracy in what they said. Maybe it’s a detail they got wrong, a word they chose poorly, or an interpretation that feels unfair.
Now tell me… how many times have you jumped in to correct how they said it before really taking in what they were trying to say?
Oof. It’s not always easy to admit—but I’ve definitely done it. And I’ve been on the receiving end of it too.

Have you ever wanted something so badly and thought, If I just think about it hard enough…if I want it badly enough, maybe I can make it happen?
Turns out, that’s not quite how it works!

“Ugh, I should’ve known!”
Have you ever said that to yourself? Maybe you stayed in a relationship longer than you now wish you had. Maybe you ignored your intuition about a job, a relationship, or an opportunity—and now, looking back, you wish you’d made a different choice…and wonder why you didn’t.

What is your future self like? How do they spend their time? How do they feel when they wake up in the morning?
For many of us, the vision of our future self feels distant—like a far-off hope that we may or may not reach. That distance can either keep us stuck… or it can become a compass, gently inviting us to shift.
Sometimes, what holds us back isn’t the dream—it’s the fear. “What if it doesn’t work out?”

When was the last time you chose you? For some, the answer might be “this morning.” For others, it might be “I don’t remember.” But maybe the trickier question is: what does it actually mean to choose yourself? Is it about getting your way—about things going how you want or expect them to? Or does it run deeper than that?

They say, “Seeing is believing.”
But is it?

What if believing is what actually helps us see?

Want to know one of the most annoying truths when it comes to personal growth?
Our lives—and especially our relationships—are mirrors.
It’s one of those lessons I’ve experienced again and again. And each time, I still feel a twinge of resistance, of annoyance. Because it’s so much easier to point outside ourselves when something feels hard.

I’m sometimes asked, “Does personal growth ever get easier?”
The answer? Yes… and no.
It’s a bit like when new parents ask seasoned parents if it ever gets easier. The answer often depends on what season you’re in. The challenges shift. What you face with a newborn isn’t necessarily harder or easier than what you face with a teenager—it’s just different.
The same goes for growth.

We live in a world that says, “If it’s not a full yes, it’s a no.” But that oversimplifies what it means to be human. We experience ambivalence in so many places—our careers, parenting, major life decisions. Why wouldn’t it show up in love too? And yet, we put pressure on love to rise above that complexity. But love—like life—is not black and white.