Embracing Self-Advocacy - Navigating Needs with Care and Compassion
Hello and thank you for joining me!
There’s a lot of talk about taking care of ourselves, and I often share about living in alignment with our core values. But what do we do when taking care of ourselves or living in alignment might hurt someone we care about?
Maybe a relationship with someone you love—whether it’s a friend, family member, or partner—is no longer feeling aligned, but the last thing you want to do is hurt them. Or perhaps saying no to a request in order to care for yourself feels impossible because it comes with the weight of their disappointment. How do we honour our needs while also valuing the feelings of someone we care about?
The honest answer is—there’s no perfect balance.
While someone else’s feelings aren’t our responsibility, that doesn’t mean we dismiss them entirely. It means understanding that despite our best efforts, there will be times when choosing to take care of ourselves may hurt someone else. The same is true when someone chooses to take care of themselves. This can feel uncomfortable—but it’s also okay.
The goal isn’t to avoid hurting feelings altogether—it’s to balance honouring our needs as respectfully as we can while holding space for the other person’s emotional experience.
If we grew up internalizing the idea that other people’s feelings are our responsibility, or that their feelings matter more than our own, this can feel like an impossible task. Those people-pleasing tendencies often run deep, keeping us stuck in cycles of self-sacrifice. Ironically, this stuckness often ends up hurting everyone involved in the long run.
When we don’t honour our needs, resentment builds. Over time, that resentment can lead to burnout or even passive aggression, which may harm the very relationships we were trying to protect.
So, how do we begin the challenging work of rebalancing our needs with our relationships?
Starting the Journey Toward Self-Advocacy:
Recognize where your patterns come from: This isn’t about blaming our past but learning to hold it with compassion. For many people-pleasers, putting others first comes from a desire for emotional safety: “If they’re happy, I’ll feel safe.” It may also stem from a belief that your worth comes from giving rather than receiving—internalized messages that say your value is tied to how much you do for others. Or perhaps it comes from a lack of trusting in your ability to navigate discomfort, such as the tension that arises when someone is unhappy with your choice. Recognizing these roots can help you meet yourself with understanding rather than judgment.
Bring your patterns into the light: Hold compassion for the part of yourself that didn’t know another way to stay safe. Recognize how these patterns once served you but may now be keeping you stuck. Self-love and self-awareness are powerful tools for releasing what no longer serves you.
Prepare for mixed emotions: As you begin showing up differently, it may ask others in your life to show up differently, too. Not everyone will be able to take that step with you, and that’s okay. The freedom and peace that come from living in alignment may also come with grief for connections that cannot move forward. It’s natural to feel a mix of joy and sadness—give yourself permission to hold both.
Nurture your body as your compass: This rebalancing isn’t just mental work—it’s also about reconnecting to your body. Pay attention to how your body responds to situations. Learning to trust your body’s signals can guide you in making decisions that align with your values. Supporting your body through practices like breathwork, mindful movement, or grounding exercises can help you feel anchored as you navigate this journey.
Remember, this process isn’t linear. You’ll have moments of clarity and moments of challenge, and that’s okay. Each step forward builds a foundation of trust in yourself and your ability to navigate what’s ahead.
Balancing self-advocacy and empathy is a delicate process, one that often feels like a pendulum swing. You may overshoot at times, but each swing brings you closer to your centre. Living in alignment often requires letting go of patterns and relationships that no longer fit—a bittersweet process that, while tender, creates space for deeper authenticity and growth. Remember, growth unfolds in layers, not leaps. Give yourself the grace to move at your own pace, trusting that each small step strengthens your foundation and builds toward a more aligned life.
Self-advocacy isn’t about building walls or issuing ultimatums—it’s about inviting yourself and others to show up with clarity and compassion. It’s about creating space for connection that honours both your needs and your relationships.
You don’t have to navigate this alone. If this resonates and you’d like support, I’d love to hear from you.
With heartfelt gratitude,
Christina
