Embracing What Is – Finding Freedom from the Fear of 'What If'
Hello, Friends!
Have you ever found yourself caught in a loop of "what ifs"? Maybe you’re weighing a decision, and all you can focus on are the potential downsides or everything that might go wrong. It’s a common trap, and if you’re anything like me, it can feel like you’re doing the responsible thing by analyzing every possibility. While these approaches aren’t inherently bad, they limit us to what our mind thinks, often ignoring how a decision might feel.
Is this overthinking keeping us stuck?
As Paulo Coelho says: “We will only understand the miracle of life fully when we allow the unexpected to happen.”
I spent years living in my head, disconnected from my body and choosing what ‘made the most sense’ in my mind. This often meant letting my fears call the shots. My mind would spin with “what if” scenarios: What if I fail? What if I lose something important? What if I’m not good enough? I thought I was being practical, but in reality, I was letting fear shape my choices. I was so focused on what I didn’t want to happen that I lost touch with the present moment—the “what is.”
When we focus solely on our thoughts, we miss out on the magic that is held within our body, and in the present moment. Although our fears about the future haven’t actually happened, our minds can make them feel very real—like they’re happening right now. But these are projections, not facts.
Right now, as I sit on a cozy green sofa, feeling the warmth of a fire and the soft texture of the seat beneath me, I remind myself: in this moment, I am safe. The simple act of noticing my surroundings reminds me that the fears I’m imagining aren’t my current reality. Returning to the present moment helps me anchor in what is true right now.
Our brains are wired to protect us, constantly scanning for potential dangers, which is why they’re so good at conjuring up worst-case scenarios. But we don’t have to attach to these thoughts. By practicing awareness, we can gently shift our focus to the positives—or even neutral possibilities—of the present moment.
As Jim Carrey reflected on his father’s experience:
"So many of us choose our path out of fear disguised as practicality. My father could have been a great comedian, but he didn't believe that was possible for him. So, he made a conservative choice and instead got a job as an accountant. When I was 12 years old, he was let go from that safe job. Our family had to do whatever we could to survive. I learned many great lessons from my father, not the least of which is that you can fail at what you don't want, so you might as well take a chance on doing what you love.”
When we trust ourselves to navigate whatever comes, we can let go of rigid expectations about how things should look and embrace the journey with more ease and curiosity.
If you find yourself spiraling into “what ifs,” here are a few tools to help you stay grounded and connected to the present moment:
Tune into the Present with Your Senses: When fear takes over, bring yourself back to what is. Use the 5-4-3-2-1 method: name five things you see, four things you feel, three things you hear, two things you smell, and one thing you taste. This practice helps anchor you in the present, calming your mind and nervous system.
Notice Your Thoughts Without Attaching to Them: Remember, you are the observer of your thoughts—not the thoughts themselves. Ask yourself: Is this thought true? What if the opposite is true? Can I consider a positive “what if” instead? For example, “What if this works out better than I imagined?”
Listen to the Wisdom of Your Body: Fear isn’t always a stop sign; it can be a guide. Tune into whether a choice feels expansive or constrictive. Does it scare you in a way that feels exciting and full of possibility, or does it feel like a closing off? Your body often knows what your mind can’t yet articulate.
Take One Small Step at a Time: You don’t need to see the whole path to move forward. Focus on the next step that feels aligned. Trust that as you take each step, you’ll gain the perspective and tools you need to adjust or pivot as necessary. Progress is built one small, courageous choice at a time.
Reconnect to Your Core Values: When faced with a tough decision, check in with your core values. Are your choices aligned with the things that matter most to you? Your values act as a compass, helping you navigate uncertainty and stay grounded in what feels true to you.
Release the Need for Certainty: Life’s beauty often lies in its unpredictability. Remind yourself that it’s okay not to have all the answers. By releasing the need to control every outcome, you create space for possibilities that could exceed anything you imagined.
Letting go of the “what ifs” and embracing “what is” takes practice, but it’s a practice worth cultivating. Each moment you choose presence over projection, trust over fear, and alignment over perfection, you’re building a foundation for a more grounded, fulfilling life.
Remember, life isn’t about avoiding risks or failures; it’s about navigating them with self-compassion and curiosity. You are capable of meeting whatever comes your way, and the present moment will always guide you home to yourself.
With heartfelt gratitude,
Christina
