Embracing an Open Heart – Staying Open When I Want to Close
Welcome back Lovely Souls,
I had a challenging conversation with my partner the other day. I felt misunderstood, and I could feel myself moving into defence. I could almost feel the walls forming around my heart while we were still talking.
I let myself feel what was coming up: frustration, sadness, anger, even some resentment. I noticed those feelings without trying to push them away, but I also tried not to let them decide what I said or did next. There was a lot there, and I knew I needed to give it some space.
I also noticed the familiar instinct to pull away. I wanted to curl up under a blanket and be left alone. I didn’t want to deal with the conversation anymore. I didn’t even want to think about re-engaging.
Then I remembered a promise I had made to myself. An intention to lead with an open heart, even when I feel hurt.
Well, I’ve gotta say, it certainly felt easier said than done.
It’s one thing to understand an intention logically. It’s another to live it when your body is braced, your feelings are loud, and every protective part of you is saying, “Nope. We’re done here.”
So, I thought I’d share how I’m practicing embodying that intention:
Name what I’m feeling: I try to get honest about what’s actually there before I do anything with it. Naming the hurt, anger, frustration, or sadness helps me make space for it without letting it quietly steer everything.
Listen to my body: A tight jaw, tense shoulders, or constricted chest usually tells me I need a little time before I respond, decide, or re-engage.
Remember why this matters to me: I come back to the values I want to lead with, especially when fear or self-protection is louder.
Stay connected to myself: Keeping my heart open doesn’t mean abandoning my needs or boundaries. I’m practicing staying rooted in myself without automatically putting up a wall.
Let safety be part of the process: Sometimes that means slowing down, taking space, or leaning on people who help me feel grounded enough to soften again. Building a sense of safety within ourselves is a practice too, and for many of us, it’s something we’re still learning.
Notice what changes: When I care for myself without completely closing off, my body feels less braced, and I have more room for perspective, connection, and the good that is still here.
I think one of the harder things I’ve had to recognize is that when I close my heart to protect myself, I often end up creating the very disconnection I’m afraid of. Not only with the other person, but with myself too.
And I want to be mindful here, because discernment still matters. Keeping an open heart doesn’t mean staying in situations where we don’t feel emotionally, mentally, or physically safe. Sometimes caring for ourselves means creating distance, and that choice can still come from a grounded, open-hearted place.
For me, this practice is about noticing when that familiar wall is going up… the urge to protect myself from the hurt of feeling rejected, misunderstood, or uncertain… and giving myself enough space to ask whether closing off is actually what I need.
Because when I’m able to find even a little more safety and stay connected to myself without completely shutting down, something changes. My body feels a little softer. I can hear what’s underneath that frustration or defensiveness more clearly. And there’s more room for me to notice what’s happening, rather than just react to it, even if I’m still feeling hurt or don’t know what happens next.
This is very much a work in progress for me. I’m probably still going to want to hide under the blanket sometimes. I’m going to have moments when the wall goes up before I’ve even realized I’m building it.
I don’t think the practice is about getting to a place where I never close my heart. I think it’s noticing when I have...giving some care to the part of me that felt the need to...and asking myself whether I’m ready to open it again.
For now, I’ll start there.
With heartfelt gratitude,
Christina
