Embracing Layers – How Deepening Is Different from Backsliding
Hi Friends! Welcome back!
I’m sometimes asked, “Does personal growth ever get easier?”
The answer? Yes… and no.
It’s a bit like when new parents ask seasoned parents if it ever gets easier. The answer often depends on what season you’re in. The challenges shift. What you face with a newborn isn’t necessarily harder or easier than what you face with a teenager—it’s just different.
The same goes for growth.
As a recovering perfectionist with anxious tendencies, I used to feel triggered often. Someone’s tone of voice, a delayed response, or even something that had nothing to do with me could quickly send me into a spiral of self-doubt and rejection. I didn’t feel grounded in my worth, and the smallest thing could shake me.
Now, nearly a decade later, those triggers haven’t disappeared—but they show up far less often. I’m more able to create space between someone’s behaviour and my own self-worth. And more often than not, I can pause, breathe, and respond with compassion rather than panic or defence.
But when something does hit a nerve, it sometimes feels even more intense than it used to.
I don’t want to discourage anyone from starting this journey—but to offer some honesty about how it tends to unfold. Because despite how it might feel in those moments, I’m not backsliding.
What’s happening is that I’m meeting those patterns and beliefs at a deeper layer.
As I’ve learned to feel safer in my body, the numbing I used to rely on—through perfectionism, people-pleasing, over-consuming—has started to melt away. And as that protective layer thaws, long-buried emotions and beliefs come to the surface to be released. It’s allowed me to access parts of myself that were previously too raw or tender to touch.
So, while it can feel discouraging and frustrating to revisit pain or patterns we thought we’d already moved through, it’s often a sign of progress. You’re not starting over—you’re going deeper.
Think of it like tending to a garden. You pull a weed and think it’s gone. But a week or two later, it sprouts again—and you realize the root goes deeper. Each time you return, you’re able to loosen the soil a little more and get closer to the source. With care and persistence, you create more room for something new to grow.
Here are a few reminders I come back to when I’m navigating a deeper layer:
Create physiological safety: When intense emotions arise, I focus on calming my nervous system—whether that’s a warm bath, slow deep breathing, gentle rocking, or placing a hand on my chest.
Support the release: Sometimes we need to help energy move through the body. This might look like shaking, going for a walk, dancing, crying, or humming—whatever feels grounding and supportive.
Connect with safe others: Whether it’s a friend, coach, or therapist, having someone who can hold space and remind you you’re not alone can make all the difference.
Reconnect with yourself: Journaling, mirror work, or simply offering yourself a kind internal word like “this is hard and I’m still here” can deepen trust in yourself.
Celebrate small shifts. Growth doesn’t always look like big, dramatic changes. It often shows up in moments where you pause before reacting, choose rest instead of pushing through, or ask yourself what you need instead of abandoning your needs. Those moments count – celebrate them!
Growth and release rarely happen in one big leap—they happen in layers. In choices. In small, subtle shifts that slowly change how you meet yourself and the world.
If you’re feeling stuck—or revisiting something you thought you already moved through—take heart. That is part of the process. The fact that you’re still showing up, still curious, still willing to look within…that’s your proof. You’re not failing. You’re unfolding.
And if you’d like support with whatever layer you’re navigating, I’m here for you. You don’t have to do it alone.
With heartfelt gratitude,
Christina
