Embracing Struggle – What Happens When We Lean Into the Hard Stuff
Hello Friends,
Sometimes, things feel hard.
Relationships. Careers. Parenting. Life in general.
We all go through times or seasons of struggle—and I imagine most of us wish those moments away while we’re in them. I know I do. But what if the very struggles we face are preparing us to hold the very things we’ve been asking for?
I know, it might sound like one of those silver-lining kind of posts… but as it turns out, there’s some science behind it too.
There’s a part of our brain called the anterior midcingulate cortex, which is an important player when it comes to motivation and managing our tenacity. Research shows that we can actually increase the size of this area when we engage in activities that feel difficult or uncomfortable—kind of like strengthening a muscle when we work out.
This doesn’t mean we need to create unnecessary struggle for ourselves—life offers enough of that. But when discomfort or difficulty arises, we can choose to lean into it rather than run from it. And when we do, we begin to build resilience, confidence, and trust in ourselves.
The same is true when we’re supporting the people we love. When someone we care about is going through a tough time, it’s natural to want to ease their pain or make things easier. But sometimes, the most supportive thing we can do is simply be there—to offer emotional support without taking away the opportunity for them to move through the challenge themselves. Especially in smaller, day-to-day moments, allowing others to experience and navigate struggle can help them develop the confidence and capacity to handle bigger challenges down the road.
It’s not about abandoning someone in their pain. It’s about walking beside them and believing in their ability to make it through. When we’re always rescued from discomfort, we don’t get to experience the feeling of making it through—and that feeling is powerful.
If our parents or caregivers couldn’t tolerate our distress—maybe they tried to fix it right away, ignore it, or minimize it—we might have internalized the belief that discomfort is unbearable. But the truth is, we can learn to tolerate our own distress. And the more we do, the more we realize: we’re capable of struggling, and of making it through.
So, whether you’re trying to build your own anterior midcingulate cortex, or supporting someone else in building theirs, here are a few reminders for when things feel hard:
Frustration is a sign of growth. Dr. Becky Kennedy calls the space between not knowing and knowing the “Learning Space”—and it’s often uncomfortable. But discomfort isn’t failure. It’s feedback that you’re stretching and growing.
Befriend your body. When frustration shows up, so does tension in the body. Grounding practices like deep breathing, mindful movement, or connecting with your senses can help calm your nervous system so you can stay present.
Take a break—without giving up. Stepping away to regroup doesn’t mean you’re quitting. Sometimes a pause is exactly what’s needed to gain perspective or clarity.
Notice the story you’re telling yourself. If your inner critic says, “I’ll never get this,” try gently offering a new narrative: “I’m still learning this, and it’s okay that it’s taking time.”
Ask for support. Whether it’s emotional support, encouragement, or practical help—reaching out isn’t a sign of weakness. It’s part of how we grow, connect, and remind ourselves that we don’t have to do it all alone.
Struggle doesn’t mean you’re failing or incapable. It means you’re human. And with each moment you choose to stay in the process—to keep showing up, even when it’s hard—you’re building something powerful.
You’re strengthening your ability to face life with courage, grace, and trust in your own capacity.
And that’s something worth celebrating.
With heartfelt gratitude,
Christina
