Embracing This Simple Truth – You Are Not Hard to Love
Welcome back, Lovely Souls!
Vulnerable question: Have you ever wondered, “Am I hard to love?”
It’s a story that started shaping itself in my adolescence. I had already learned that the best way to stay emotionally safe in my family was to earn my dad’s approval—by excelling in school, following the ‘rules,’ and being ‘good.’ So, when I experienced rejection from my crushes, it wasn’t a far stretch to assume the problem was me. That there was something wrong with me.
That story only deepened as I got older. Well-meaning friends and family often questioned why I was still single. Not only did they ask—but they tried to figure it out for me. I heard every possible explanation: maybe I was too much of a ‘nerd,’ maybe I was too picky, too shy, too talkative, too independent, too focused on my career. Maybe I spent too much time on my appearance. Maybe I talked about my needs too early.
With each ‘failed’ relationship, I absorbed those explanations like a checklist. How could I be more of this and less of that? How could I become who everyone thought I should be in order to be loved?
Even now, as I write this, I feel a mixture of sadness, loneliness… and self-compassion. Compassion for the version of me who thought she had to earn love by becoming someone else.
For years, I lost more and more touch with who I actually was or what I genuinely wanted. I was trying to mold myself into something I thought would be lovable. But the harder I tried, the more lost I felt.
And the truth is—love isn’t about twisting yourself into someone else’s version of who you should be. Love, real love, is about being seen for who you are, not a perfectly crafted version of you.
What changed? I stopped chasing external validation and started exploring me—who I was underneath all the stories and expectations. I worked on building a relationship with myself. I started nurturing the love that had always been there but had gone unnoticed—the love I have for me.
That process wasn’t easy. It stretched me in ways I never expected.
For me, this meant:
Taking an honest look at how I was showing up. I started questioning where I learned these patterns in the first place—without shame, just curiosity. Why did I feel the need to shape-shift? What fears were driving that? And how did this pattern protect me?
Letting go of the need for external validation. That doesn’t mean I never want or need it. But I’ve learned not to depend on it—especially from people who don’t truly know me. My own validation has to matter most.
Showing up vulnerably. Each time I voiced my needs, set a boundary, or started an uncomfortable conversation, I built something I didn’t even realize I was missing—self-trust.
Making peace with relationships that couldn’t meet me where I am. As I showed up more fully as myself, I had to say goodbye to relationships that weren’t accepting of the real me. And even when I knew it was for the best, I still grieved. Even when we’re making space for things that are more aligned, letting go can hurt.
Accepting that not everyone will ‘get’ me. And that’s okay. Love doesn’t mean being fully understood all the time. It means being accepted anyway. And sometimes, the most important acceptance we can offer is to ourselves.
There was a time when I wondered if I was hard to love. But if I’m being honest, I’ve also been in relationships where I wished the other person were easier to love—where I thought, “If only they were a little different, maybe this would work.”
What I can see now is that neither of us were ‘hard to love’. We were just misaligned.
Love requires effort, but effort alone can’t make the wrong fit right. And sometimes, it’s in those misaligned relationships that we learn the most—about what we need, what we value, and how we want to show up in love.
Not all love is meant to last. And not all mismatched connections mean something is wrong with us. Sometimes, they are simply part of our path back to ourselves —stepping stones for deeper self-understanding.
For anyone who’s wondered if they’re too much or not enough—I hope you know: Love is not something you have to earn.
You are not hard to love.
You are worthy of being loved exactly as you are.
And the more you release those self-protective stories and layers covering up who you truly are, the more you’ll realize—you’ve been enough all along.
With heartfelt gratitude,
Christina
