Embracing Self-Forgiveness – Letting Go of “I Should Have Known”
Hello, Friends!
“Ugh, I should’ve known!”
Have you ever said that to yourself? Maybe you stayed in a relationship longer than you now wish you had. Maybe you ignored your intuition about a job, a relationship, or an opportunity—and now, looking back, you wish you’d made a different choice…and wonder why you didn’t.
It’s a hard place to be. And underneath that phrase, there’s often a heavy story:
If I had made a different decision, everything would’ve worked out.
If I had known better, I could’ve avoided this.
If I had been smarter, stronger, more aware… this wouldn’t have happened.
But here’s the truth: we don’t get to make decisions with the hindsight of our future selves. We make them with the tools, capacity, and awareness we have in the moment. And even when something doesn’t turn out the way we hoped, that doesn’t mean the other path would have been better. It only means it would’ve been different.
We can imagine it would’ve worked out perfectly—but we can’t actually know. Maybe that investment would have led to even more stress. Maybe a “better” job would’ve led to burnout. We think we’re taking responsibility when we say “I should’ve known”—but often, we’re just trying to make sense of our pain.
And when we stay stuck in that shame spiral—blaming ourselves for not knowing what we couldn’t have known—we don’t grow. We stay tangled in the past, in thoughts of “if only.”
Instead, when something doesn’t go as we hoped, can we pause, get honest, and ask:
What is this teaching me?
What did I learn about myself through this?
How can I hold space for the version of me who was doing the best they could?
If you find yourself wrestling with regret or self-blame, here are a few reminders that might help soften the edges and invite in self-forgiveness:
You made the best decision you could with the awareness you had at the time.
Learning is messy—and hindsight is not a fair measure of your past self.
Just because the outcome hurt doesn’t mean your choice was wrong.
Growth often requires experiences we wouldn’t have consciously chosen.
Regret may be part of healing—but it doesn’t have to lead the way.
You are allowed to change your mind without shaming your past self.
You don’t need to punish yourself to prove you’ve learned something.
You don’t have to love every step that brought you here. But you can choose to honour how far you’ve come. Because the you who made those choices got you to this moment. And that version of you deserves your compassion—not your condemnation.
If you’re in a season of looking back with “should haves” or “if onlys,” I hope this reminds you that what you see as “mistakes” might not be mistakes at all. And they don’t define you. What matters most is how you choose to meet yourself now.
And if you’d like support navigating those layers—I’m here.
With heartfelt gratitude,
Christina
