Embracing the Message – Listening with Your Heart, Not Your Ego
Welcome back, Friends!
Okay, picture this. Someone you care about is sharing something with you—maybe they feel hurt, sad, or frustrated. As you’re listening, you notice an inaccuracy in what they said. Maybe it’s a detail they got wrong, a word they chose poorly, or an interpretation that feels unfair.
Now tell me… how many times have you jumped in to correct how they said it before really taking in what they were trying to say?
Oof. It’s not always easy to admit—but I’ve definitely done it. And I’ve been on the receiving end of it too.
While watching The Four Seasons on Netflix, a line stopped me in my tracks:
“Stop correcting how she said it and try to hear what she’s saying.”
I felt it in my gut.
Because when I’m being honest with myself, I know that my corrections often come from defensiveness. Instead of making room for the vulnerability underneath someone’s words, I’ve fixated on proving that their version isn’t quite right. I’ve gone into self-protection mode—trying to guard myself against guilt, shame, or even fear that I’ve let someone down.
But when the roles are reversed, and I’m the one sharing something tender—and someone zeroes in on how I said it rather than the emotion I’m trying to express? It feels dismissive. Lonely. Like I’ve missed my chance to be seen.
It’s these little moments that can slowly erode trust. Maybe when someone first corrects us, out of defensiveness we let our anger call the shots and escalate the conversation, but then over time, that anger transforms into defeat. When someone consistently corrects our delivery instead of honouring the heart of what we’re saying, we start to wonder, what’s the point of even trying?
When I’ve jumped to correcting, it wasn’t because I was trying to be hurtful. I wasn’t trying to avoid their pain—I was trying to avoid mine.
And that’s why learning to calm my nervous system has helped me soften those knee-jerk reactions. It’s helped me create space between what they’re saying and my sense of self-worth… to stay in connection instead of slipping into defence.
And that’s where real repair happens—not from proving who’s more right or less wrong, but from being willing to truly see and support each other.
So how do we start to shift this pattern?
Here’s a process I find helpful—think of it as a way to bring more HEARTT into hard conversations:
H – Hold your breath (just for a second), then take a deeper one.
Pause and breathe in through your nose, then slowly exhale through your mouth. That extended exhale? It’s a gentle reset. It signals to your nervous system that you’re safe. It’s a simple but powerful way to move out of fight-or-flight and into presence.
E – Extend compassion to yourself first.
This doesn’t mean brushing things off or avoiding accountability—it means reminding yourself that making a mistake, or unintentionally causing hurt, doesn’t make you a bad person. Self-compassion gives you the stability to stay open and grounded. Think of it like putting on your own oxygen mask first—it helps you stay regulated enough to offer care to someone else.
A – Attend fully.
Let them finish. Try not to rehearse your response while they’re still talking. Instead, really listen. Reflect back what you heard and ask, “Did I get that right?” The goal isn’t perfection—it’s presence.
R – Remember you’re on the same team.
This isn’t about winning an argument—it’s about staying in connection. Try to see the other person as a teammate, not an opponent. Ask yourself: How can I honour what they’re feeling, even if I see it differently?
T – Take responsibility for your part.
If you recognize something you said or did that caused harm, even if unintentionally, name it. Owning your part—without minimizing, defending, or over-apologizing—builds trust and helps the other person feel seen.
T – Tell your truth with care.
When the space feels open, share your emotional experience too—not to defend yourself or poke holes in their story, but to bring your own heart into the conversation. Vulnerability invites connection more than correction ever could.
The next time you feel the urge to interrupt, defend, or correct, take a moment. These conversations aren’t about who’s more accurate—they’re about creating space for emotional truth, care, and repair.
They’re opportunities to nurture our shared commitment to understanding and emotional safety.
When we listen with our hearts—not our egos—something tender opens up.
We stop being so afraid of getting it wrong… and start showing up with more courage, curiosity, and care.
With heartfelt gratitude,
Christina
