Embracing the Tension – When We Don’t Like the People We Have to Be Around
Hello and welcome!
Ever find yourself having to be around someone you just don’t click with?
Whether it’s someone who’s hurt you in the past, someone whose values don’t align with yours, or simply someone who gets under your skin for reasons you can’t quite explain—it happens. And sometimes, we don’t have the option to walk away. Sometimes they’re in our shared circle, part of our family, or tied to someone we love.
So, what do we do?
For me, if I’m honest, it often starts with resistance.
Thoughts like “I don’t want to deal with this” or “why do I have to be the one who adjusts?” start to surface. I feel that familiar tightness in my chest or jaw. My body closes in.
That’s where I begin: by acknowledging the physical and emotional reaction, instead of trying to override it with false positivity. I try to notice what’s really happening inside—maybe an old hurt is being stirred, or my nervous system is picking up on energy that feels unsafe or misaligned.
But I also try not to spiral into future stories about how it’s definitely going to go badly…because the truth is, I don’t know that for sure. That kind of prediction just adds more weight to something that already feels hard.
Here’s the annoying part (and maybe the gift, too):
Sometimes what bothers me about someone else is actually pointing me back to something in me.
Was there a boundary crossed that I didn’t express? Or one I expressed but didn’t follow through on?
Do they move through the world in a way I was never allowed to—and that triggers something in me?
Or maybe I just want others to see what I see, so I don’t feel so alone in my discomfort.
Once I’ve made space for those reflections, I shift into acceptance. If this is a situation I can’t change—if I know I’ll have to interact with this person—how can I support myself through it?
Here are some things that I find helpful:
Create an internal (or external) exit strategy: Decide ahead of time when and how you might step away—from the conversation, the room, or even the event.
Stay connected to your body: Notice when you start to feel dysregulated and gently ground yourself with breath, touch, or movement.
Take intentional breaks: A trip to the bathroom or stepping outside for a few deep breaths can give you space to regroup.
Reaffirm your values: Ask yourself, What kind of person do I want to be in this moment? and let that guide your responses.
Let go of needing others to see what you see: You can honour your experience without needing external validation.
From there, I try to widen the lens. Sometimes that means softening my grip on the story I’m telling myself, so I can hold space for other possibilities.
Because the truth is, if I knew their whole story, I’d probably understand why they are the way they are. That doesn’t mean I have to like it, agree with it, or tolerate harmful behaviour. I can hold compassion and still choose boundaries. I can accept the situation without abandoning myself.
And while my feelings are valid and worthy of space, they aren’t the only truth.
That person may not have intended harm—though intent doesn’t erase impact. My discomfort may be showing me something that needs releasing, or something that needs stronger protection.
Often, it’s a bit of both—and giving myself the space to discern which it is helps me respond from a grounded place instead of a reactive one.
When I resist someone’s presence—when I try to control how they act, or how others perceive them—I feel drained. But when I let them be them, and stay anchored in who I want to be, I feel lighter.
I don’t have to fix the dynamic.
I don’t have to prove my perspective.
I just have to honour what’s true for me… with curiosity, not rigidity.
This has come up in my life many times—especially in shared spaces where I’ve found myself around people whose energy or choices feel misaligned with my values. Sometimes it’s subtle— passive-aggressive comments, a lack of reciprocity, an undercurrent of defensiveness. And sometimes it’s more direct—someone consistently taking more than they give, or showing up in a way that feels self-absorbed or dismissive.
What’s hard is when it feels like others don’t see what you see. Or when someone encourages you to “just be the bigger person” or “let it go.” But when doing so comes at the cost of my peace—or asks me to betray my values—it no longer feels generous. It feels self-abandoning.
I’ve had moments of wondering, “Am I being too sensitive? Too judgmental? Am I making it bigger than it is?” But with time, I’ve come to trust that tension can be a signal. Not of blame, but of misalignment. And that’s okay.
Still, I try to offer grace. Sometimes a person makes a bad first impression, and there are understandable reasons for it—nerves, overwhelm, bad timing. I believe in second chances. I believe people can have off days. But I also believe people show you who they are… and eventually, I choose to trust that.
It’s a delicate dance—between honouring what’s coming up for me, giving space for others to be human, and reflecting on whether the discomfort is asking me to draw a boundary or soften into something within myself.
Not to fix the relationship.
But to free a part of me that might still be holding on.
Whether that means stepping back, having a hard conversation, or saying “I’d rather not go if they’re going,” it’s not about needing others to agree with me. It’s not about changing anyone’s mind.
It’s about staying aligned with who I want to be—and making choices that reflect that. And that often means holding space for complexity while still protecting my peace.
Maybe you’ve been there, too.
Maybe you’re there right now.
If so, I hope this reminds you that your discomfort is valid—and so is your right to honour it with compassion and care.
You don’t have to like everyone.
You don’t have to be liked by everyone.
But you can learn to navigate those moments with grace, boundaries, and self-respect.
With heartfelt gratitude,
Christina
